Pink Bubble World

originally written on 12/26/2008

So this post kinda spiraled into a lot longer than I intended. I had read a quote a few weeks back and was trying to formulate my words for a while and then something horrible happened tonight that made me question everything, including my own life and worth. And I reread this quote again and remembered.

At the end of the story, the author asked, “have you had any decisions that altered your life?” Her story and thoughts are so spookily similar to mine that it really did make me think.

I hadn’t made the decision to start my own business. It was a hard decision to make. Letting go of a job that paid regular is just plain hard. There is nothing like a weekly pay check. Being at a job you do not like, knowing that check is coming Friday, is not living. That is security. To some people think a job is the different between a warm bed or a cold bench. You do not know what the future holds. Take a chance. Profit is better than a paycheck. A business can take you to your dream life. It may change your life.

Taking that risk gave me the reward of success. I feel free now. I can’t believe I stayed at that job so long. There are still days that I think about the others that was not willing to follow me out the door. They are still talking about not being appreciated. They are to scared to change.

Even though I didn’t reach millionaire status yet, I am proud of what I achieved. When I look back I can see growth. The garden I planted is now ready for harvest. Even though all along I kept hearing how I would never achieve my dream, how nobody would hire me, how I started wrong, etc., I made it happen and nobody can take that away from me. The rain did fall on my seeds. I learned how to channel those negative words into finding that one positive thought. It was my perseverance that changed my life forever.

My decision was exactly the same thing. I left my financial security for my mental and emotional security. Set up my own thing and while it’s a struggle and scary, it’s all mine and I’m loving every moment of it and love watching it grow! It’s been a very stressful few weeks but this quote really reminded me of why I am doing this. And how happy it makes me.

In three weeks I’ve not only learned more about sports than I ever thought I wanted to, I’ve learned how to:

• Build my own blog from scratch including content, pictures, videos, layouts, themes, colors, links, blogrolls, widgets, gadgets, html and so many other words I didn’t even know a month ago.

• Create my own client/fan base with returning readers! That’s no easy task! But through networking (something I’ve never done before) daily and searching forums and really putting myself out there to talk to other, I’ve managed to do it. Every day that number steadily grows higher! In less than three weeks I had over 1,000 unique visitors come to my site! And now, even on a day like Christmas when I couldn’t network, people still came to see me.
• Not only run one successful blog, but multiple ones! Peanut Butter & Jenny was supposed to just be my fun site but it really has had wonderful feedback and comments and I truly enjoy working on it and networking with other friends every day. Fantastic community to work in! And after the new year I will be revamping my webpage Jennifer L. Taglione.com to be more user friendly and it will be a more personal blog/recipe site. Also launching an eco-friendly site too.

• Monetize my blogs and get advertisers. This one still puzzles me a bit but its fascinating! Trying to learn what is right and how to make ads work, how to monitor their development and thinss like CPC, CPM and comission based and the differences.
• Run on 2-3 hours of sleep for days on end, and on the good night’s sleep nights: go to sleep at 5:30 a.m. and get up at 11 a.m.. Then work from 11 a.m. to 5 a.m. (Oh and somewhere in there found time to create two scrapbooks for presents for Christmas, shop for presents, decorate the house, do Christmas cards.)
• So essentially, create and run my own business. I had no idea that’s what I was signing up for when I started this but that’s what I’m doing. Successfully running my own company.

It may not be making a lot of money and I have never been more exhausted in my life. I think I am somehow negative money when you break down hours of work/how much I earned. But you know what, I’ve never been prouder of myself either. I’ve accomplished more in 3 weeks then some do in 3 months.

And somehow, that’s just not enough for some people. Some people look at me and think I’m a waste of life and I have no career and I’m useless. And it’s written all over their face when they look at me. Can’t even say talk to me because I’m barely worthy enough to speak to, and that’s evident on the face also.

Or when they do talk to me, they say horribly derogatory and snide comments to my face to show how superior they think they are and to back-handedly point out how meaningless they find me, my life, my career. Oh wait, nevermind. It was made crystal clear that I do not have one. Thanks.

On Christmas no less.

Actually on the first Christmas without my mother–my best friend, biggest fan & supporter and the woman who’s biggest dream was to see me 1. happy and 2. writing again. (And please don’t take this as throwing a pity card out there, it’s just a fact and something that made the moment that much worse. Because I am happy. And I’m writing. And Mom is not here to see that.)

I cried a lot after that moment. When I was made to feel less worthy than….I don’t know, a dungbeetle?

I talked to two really close friends, both of whom were appalled. They too, think it’s truly amazing all I’ve accomplished in such a short time. And so excited to have me writing again. And they were proud of me. And Charisse is a doctor so if she’s not a credible supporter (and also the very girly-anti-sports girl this site is designed for) I don’t know who is!

I have friends that come every single day and read my stories including one amazing women, a former co-worker of mine at a local retailer. D.B. self-proclaims that she is computer illiterate and if she deleted my email to her with the link, she would never find the page again. She doesn’t care about the sports writing. She comes to support me. And calls to tell me how much she loves it and how proud she is of me.

And I really hate that one person’s small-mindedness and truly deplorable action can taint all of that for me. Because criticisms always sit like a lead balloon inside me. The really sad part is there is nothing that can possibly make it better.

Actually, you know what. There is one thing.

F&ck you.

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